Pass The Popcorn
by Lillamagal
Summary: KakuHida: Hidan as a teenager from another storyline universe, is love with his best friend, Kakuzu, but telling him at the cinema may not have been the best thing to do.


**A/N: WARNING! BOYxBOY! This is based in a totally different world to the official Narutoverse, but the characters are the same.**

KakuHida: Pass the Popcorn

"I might have known that bastard would be late!" Hidan grumbled, his frosty fingers compressed coarsely in his hoodie pocket, feet pressing a jagged fragment of emerald green glass into sand crystals with the heel of his Nike trainers. Brand new, hopefully _he'd_ notice, eh?

The heavy cinema doors were inviting. Their cumbersome white handles, their sparkling green lights, the sweet aroma of buttered popcorn escaping their maw like a whisper in the wind. How much Hidan wanted to go in, to sit down and take the weight off his feet…and his mind.

Hidan racked his brain for the right words to say, it seemed impossible. How in the world was he going to tell _him_ that he adored him so? Everything about him was just so fabulous! His courteous manner, his splendid mahogany-brown hair, his picturesque tanned, muscular manly hood—ok, now maybe we can stop there? Hidan was crazy about Kakuzu, of that he was undyingly certain, but how was he going to tell him?

The rough sound of an engine awoke Hidan from his fantasy and he immediately perked up, trembling slightly. A hefty double-decker had just pulled up across the other side of the road. Its faded blood red paint peeled around the edges and a thick coat of muck had accumulated itself upon the mudguards behind the back wheels, but that wasn't why Hidan was all of a quiver.

At that very second, a tall, dark –but no stranger- figure emerged from the aged bus, his feet bouncing down the creaking steps one at a time. He hopped off the vehicle, waved a finger in thanks to the driver then turned and began to strut across the road. He noticed Hidan standing on the street corner and seemed to be giggling to himself, as if enjoying some inside joke. Hidan appeared bemused.

"I wouldn't stand there if I were you, Hidan." Still mystified, Hidan questioned this statement.

"Why?"

"People might get the wrong idea…" Kakuzu approached Hidan and gestured his hand in the direction of a nearby lamppost. "…They might think you're…'open for business.'" He dragged out each one of the last words, slowly titling his head to one side as he did so.

It took a while for Hidan's brain to figure out what Kakuzu meant. When the penny finally dropped, a gush of hot blood rose to Hidan's cheeks and he bounded as far away as he could from the intruding lamppost before retaliating.

"Oi! That's sick! Plus I'm a guy!" Kakuzu shrugged.

"Hm, you never know, some girls might be desperate. And looking at you…they'd have to be."

Hidan felt a tinge of sadness as the cruel and vile words left Kakuzu's mouth. That was harsh.

Hidan's face must have been distraught, for a second after said event; Kakuzu beamed widely and gave Hidan a playful punch on the upper arm. "I'm just kidding you great moron! Now come on, we wanna' get a seat right?" And with that he was gone, racing up the cobble steps to the wooden-based ticket booth. Hidan followed, at a slower pace, his legs were no where near long enough to match Kakuzu's lengthy strides.

"Two tickets to _'Zombies Of The Planet Zong'_ please." Kakuzu seemed reluctant to part with his hard earned cash. Hidan couldn't help feeling slightly guilty for being broke.

"And him?" A large lady, sprouting obnoxious coal black hair, which spiralled out in all directions raised an eyebrow, nodding her head towards Hidan suspiciously.

"Yes, he's with me…that's the reason I asked for two tickets." Kakuzu stated, bewildered by the lady's dumbness.

"Afraid the film in question is a fifteen, your friend is not old enough." A little taken aback by this accusation, Hidan spoke up. His voice failed him.

"I'm sixteen!" Hidan squeaked his nerves and embarrassment quivering his tone.

"You look about twelve."

"What?! I'll have you know—"

"Hidan." Kakuzu spoke softly, that tender voice stunted him every time.

Satisfied that she had won this battle, the lady leaned over the counter, her enormous bust reaching dangerous levels of smothering Kakuzu's fingers. "There is one more film showing tonight, it's up those stairs, turn left." She waved her diminutive, stumpy digits in the route of a flight of spiralling stairs.

"Fine, we'll take tickets to that then." Kakuzu snatched his hand away from the protruding breasts, leaving the money in its place.

The lady smiled briefly, before hitting a few buttons and tearing two marigold coloured pieces of card from the sharp fangs of a whirring machine. "There you do, Dears. Enjoy." Before Hidan and Kakuzu had reached the steps, Hidan was almost certain he'd seen that lady titter to herself, displaying a smug grin.

The adverts were already blasting out their crackling, resonant voices before Hidan and Kakuzu were seated. Somehow the adverts in the cinema sounded even more nationally incorrect than on the small screen. The two assembled themselves in the back row, as half the other pews were occupied. A popular film, no doubt.

The adverts were still on, Hidan seized his chance.

"Err…Kakuzu?"

"What?"

"Err…there's something I—" Before Hidan's precious words could leave their cage in their owners voice box, Kakuzu brought one finger to his honeyed lips and blew subtly against them, shushing Hidan.

"Shh! The film is starting."

He was right of course, the perfect Kakuzu getting everything spot on again…although…

"'_Hello boys and girls! My name is Primrose, and this story is all about me and my imaginary friends; the Kinomi Pixies…'"_

Hidan tensed up, he'd never been more petrified in his entire life! Both he and Kakuzu peeped anxious side ways glances at one another. Kakuzu's bottle green orbs were now wide with horror.

"Ka-ku-zu?!"

"Hi-dan?!"

"What are we doing here? This is…"

"…A kid's film…Damn that big-breasted woman!" Kakuzu clasped his palms around his knees, bringing his denim jeans off his flesh.

"Maybe if we leave now, no one will notice?" Hidan hissed, gesturing his head towards the bulky double doors approximately a sprint away.

"Are you mad? If we do that the light from the hallway with reveal our faces to everyone, we cannot be recognised! We will never live it down!"

Hidan loosened his jaw, ready to release a second ponder, but he was halted by the slight flick that tapped the back of his hair and plonked itself into his lap. _Popcorn?_

"Do you mind being quiet please? Some of us are trying to watch the movie." A whiney voice piped up from somewhere behind Hidan.

"Tobi?"

"Hidan? Kakuzu? Did you come to see _'Primrose and the Kinomi Pixies'_ as well?" Tobi, a hyperactive bundle of sheer joy and simplicity was placed tentatively at the edge of his seat. His fuzzy night black hair was flattened by an orange baseball cap and his dazzling white smile gleamed through the darkness like a lighthouse on a foggy night.

"Zetsu and I have been waiting all week for this showing, haven't we Zetsu?"

"Don't drag me into this, Tobi." A tall lad with pale skin and ruffled bamboo-shoot green hair exclaimed coldly. He was sprawled callously across two tipping-seats, his honey coloured eyes glowering at the perky youth loathingly. Clearly he was as ecstatic to see this film as Hidan and Kakuzu were.

"Oh, he may say that…" Tobi cupped a hand to the corner of his mouth and leaned over the back of Hidan's seat, whispering. "…but earlier he was really excited!" Tobi's sickly-sweet, treacle coated smile rotted away all harsh thoughts like a toffee-apple dripping in chocolate.

"Would you guys mind keeping the noise down? It's hard enough to follow this plot as it is!" somewhere in the far corner, a grave male voice interrupted sounding a little hysteric. Kakuzu recognised it and cocked his head in that direction he spoke:

"Pein? You're here too?" On hearing Kakuzu's voice, the ginger haired teen, sitting in the far back row, shuddered, his numerous facial piercings dull in colour in such poor light.

"Err…K-kakuzu?…Erm…K-konan dragged me here, tch! Y-you know girls and their pathetic tastes! She's g-gone to get ice-creams, she's be back any minute!" Pain's tone was shaken and he tripped over his words on occasions.

At this point a blue haired female tip-toed her way through the audience, holding two ice-creams above her head as she swayed her way down the aisle, avoiding peoples outstretched feet. As unbelievable as it seemed, Pein's story did hold water.

Konan rasped in the buttered popcorn and wild berry Lucozade tainted air before lifting her knee into the air and using it to pull down the cushioned tipping-seat without delay, before slumping down into it with a high pitched 'oh'.

"Ahh, back at last…I'm alive! I didn't get devoured by little brats after all, miracle! I don't know why you forced me to come here though, Pein. You know I—here's your Cornetto—you know I don't enjoy these Disney rip-offs, I like romantic comedies." There was silence for a heartbeat as Pein's face began to turn paler and paler with every word that escaped Konan's devilled lips. Although it was pitch-black up there, you could see the reflection of the awful film in the beads of sweat that fell as large as raindrops from his creased forehead.

Hidan snickered, enjoying the look on Pein's face with great delight. "I thought you said _Konan_ dragged _you_ here, Pein?"

Pein scrambled to his feet, face as red as a strawberry, knuckles as white as an angels wings and clenched so hard that they could turn even the toughest rock into sand. "She did! That's not really Konan! I'm not really Pein! In fact…I'm not even here!" and with that he dived under the cinema seats, thrusting an arm into the air sharply. "Hold my Cornetto!" he verbalized briskly before his hand shot out of sight quicker than you could say: 'I love you, Kakuzu.' Konan took hold of the ice-cream and rolled her eyes rigidly.

Hidan now felt that all the attention was directed at Pein, now could be his chance to tell Kakuzu his true feelings. Leaning closer to this miser's side, Hidan licked the roof of his dry mouth nervously.

"Err…Kakuzu?"

"Yeah?" Kakuzu grinned in amusement at the past event before switching his gaze on Hidan.

"There's something I…I need to tell you."

"Yes? What is it?"

"I…I lo…I lo—"

"Popcorn anyone?"

"Tobi!" Hidan screeched in annoyance, was there no end to the torment of this flamboyant package of hyperactivity? It's almost as if he knew…

"Sorry, I just thought you might like some popcorn." Tobi whined, was he playing the guilt-trip?

Hidan was about to tell Tobi where to shove his popcorn when a sudden yelp from behind made him jump.

"Pein! That was my leg!" Konan was hunched up in her tipping-seat hugging her knees to her chin, face flushed.

"Arrgghhh!!! It's cold! It's cold! Get it off, get it off!" Hidan almost choked on his tongue in alarm as Kakuzu started prancing around, leaping in the air waving his arms around like a windmill. It was all too clear what had occurred.

Konan holding no ice-creams and Kakuzu dancing about screaming 'it's cold' connoted that the ice-cream could only be in one place…

"My back is numb, my back has gone numb!" Yep, down Kakuzu's back.

"Be quiet! We are trying to watch the movie!" A large group of children cried, lobbing drinks bottles and sweets at the parading Kakuzu.

Hidan slunk low in his seat, covering his face with his pallid hands. _Could this day get any worse?_ He questioned himself, regretting ever going out that night, as he watched Kakuzu dodging stray crisps and bonbons, before falling back against his seat and blinking manically.

"It's ok…I think it's all melted now. I can feel it…going down my trousers." Hidan turned away blushing frantically, face glowing like a Japanese lantern.

"Aww! Would you look at that…Primrose told the pixies she loved them. Hidan, why don't you confess your love to someone? You look like you could do with some affection." Tobi squeed, resting his chin on his shoulder and gawping at Hidan from under his long, dark eyelashes.

"Kakuzu?"

"Yeah?"

"Pass the popcorn."

"Why?"

"I want to throw it at Tobi!"


End file.
